Friday, October 18, 2019

body language

My body has been speaking to me lately. It's been whispering, "wake up" .. 
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My 2 year old has been in agreement that I am a "big mama" and there's nothing more honest than a two year old. 
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I'm not pitying myself though, I feel that I have the healthiest mindset that I've ever had about my body in my entire life to date. You might even venture to say that I am proud of this realization with the amount of calm I feel towards it.
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I am giving myself grace in my journey though. It's not a race! This is a marathon journey. This is about the rest of my life. About being a strong woman, wife and mother. An example to my kids that if you want something,  you go after it. If you tell yourself I can do this then you definitely and most assuredly can. 
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Part of the healthy mindset is the desire to be strong and healthy, rather than skinny and attractive. That's huge. I love myself because I know Jesus made me and He allowed me to carry and help form two beautifully intelligent babies. My husband loves me and makes me feel incredibly desirable even when I'm just at home, smeared makeup and sweatpants on. I am fully (more and more so) confident in who I am and not who I wish I was or want to be more like. I know I will be healthier and I feel mentally prepared for it. I'm not pushing myself into it. 
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Perspective is key as well, this go around I seek to be mindful of what I put in my body. Unlike my past habits which would have been: mindless, starvation, binging and just "I don't care/I deserve to eat what I want". 
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Okay, that's all for now. Happy dreaming folks. 

Tuesday, October 15, 2019

Falling

When you've fallen hard, when you feel there is no strength in your heart or hands where do you turn?
I find that when I am hurting, the only place to turn is Jesus Christ. But thats after I've made all my mistakes, after I've looked for relief in tears, after I've spilled my story to my family and then I look up and
the only place to go is to Him. He is my Savior, and I sing on Sundays a song that says, "He is Mighty to save!" That must mean I can rely on Him right?
Its such a simple thing to put your trust in Jesus, to pick up your dirty past and heavy regrets from your shoulders and humbly lay them down for the cleansing relief He brings when He washes you clean
and takes your burdens. Although most of the time we don't see this as simple, especially people like me, who tend to have a natural urge to take matters into my own hands. I like to make lists and I get
frustrated when they don't go how I please. I like to try to find solutions to my own problems. But guess what? I don't have the knowledge of my Father, I don't have the priviledge of seeing the whole picture.
So my vision is blurred from all of what God has going on around me, until He makes it apparent to me at the right time. Sometimes its very hard to comprehend all of Gods majesty and power and realize
that our Creator has a plan for each of us, thats what He tells Jeremiah in Jeremiah 29:11,

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.
Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, to give you
a hope and a future."

I have found that most people in a state of crisis turn to other things to find their 'peace' but it only lasts temporarily and then when the alcohol has worn off or the drug fix is over, they open their eyes to the
same problem they are still shouldering.
If only they could instinctively know that God is what hole in their hearts that is missing. If only they would stop carrying their heavy burdens and lay them at the cross. They would be set free from their
pain, God carefully takes it upon Himself. I've know girls who try to fill their voids with a baby, heard them say, "I just know this baby will fix my heart and fill that place in my life I've been missing"
Its sad that they truly believe that is going to take the place of the Lord. But it's only because they don't fully know Him. Although some of us, myself included at times, have to learn the hard way. I've had loads of people offer advice that clearly I didn't heed because I finally get it...after the fact. 

thanks EG

At my daughter's two year old doctor appointment her pediatrician asked if she puts her clothes on and off by herself following a string of other questions to which I had answered "yes", so I did. Then it occured to me that, no, she cannot. I had already answered yes so I just continued to go along answering the following questions. Today she is over 2 & ¹/² and her dad and I still help her but I've been trying to have her do it on her own. 
   Watching her "try" to get her leggings on can be somewhat comical because she barely does anything and then right away says "I can't!" And "It's too hard, can you please help?" All this made me think about my life and the way I have been responding to change. When I set out to follow through with any given thing, meal planning, a hobby, any type of schedule for myself at home for me as a SAHM and my kids- every time- I get completely caught off guard and I just think to myself, "forget it, I tried, this way doesn't work, I have to come up with something different. " ..and I keep doing this. 
    I like predictable. It makes me feel safe. The unknown, the loosely planned weekend etc.. that gives me anxiety. Well, ever since day one of being a mom it has been unpredictable and I have been trying my darndest to go with the flow. It's not my strong point. I try and I fail, over and over again. But today, watching my almost three year old give up so easily over something so small, yet so big (for her) reminded me of myself and my shortcomings with follow through. I am actually very happy to have discovered this about myself and now I can start changing. Truly going with the punches and resetting my course, even if it's multiple times a day that I run into obstacles. Because let's be honest, it will be! 
#samplemythoughts

Friday, July 3, 2015

Horse in the wilderness

When Autumn decides it's time for her to move into the small house her family rents out across the dirt road from her parents house she is dismayed to find it finally received a tenant. Having been through what she had in the last year she felt it deserved. The tenant is a new guy in town who seems standoffish and unfriendly. Her family welcomes him to town, invites him to dinner and to church.  He finds a job at the local school and becomes the music teacher. Autumn is kept pretty busy with her gelding, Scout and her German Shepard, Jimmy. In a turn of events Scout becomes lost in the wilderness and Autumn enlists the help of neighbor Brent and the action starts to build from there! The story is that of love and hurt and loss. It is a story that allows the reader to really take a look into relationships and the heart of God in it all. There is also an element of danger and thrill as you discover the mystery of The Vandal. For the animal lover in me and the love of adventure I truly recommend this book! It's a wild ride !! 

Monday, June 22, 2015

Breakfast 6/22/15

So I was thinking about how I like to post pictures on Instagram when I'm proud of how healthy it is. And it made me think, 'Hmm, this is a great idea for my blog! If I have to post a photo of all the meals and snacks I eat I will most likely be healthier!' So this is the challenge, I will post a photo of all my meals I eat in hopes of continuing with my progress at eating better. What do you think? Anyone want to join me? I will try to post all three meal pictures together so as not to overwhelm the blog with food photos! 
Follow me on Instagram 

@she_who_loves_bakes 

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

At First Sight (Book Review)

Jeremy Marsh, noted colomnist for Scientific American specializing in disproving the Supernatural. Divorced and 42 years old- finds himself caught up in a small town love story when on the hunt for The Mysterious Lights in Boone Creek, North Carolina. All at once his life changes when he finds out his girlfriend Lexie, of a few weeks is pregnant. The tale tells of Jeremy's move and giving up all he has in the big apple to give his future wife and child a life Lexie thinks fitting. After receiving an anonymous email with a warning he hadn't seen coming- it throws the engaged couple into a tailspin. Will they make it through this year and Lexie's pregnancy without their dreams of the future going as planned? You'll have to find out, by reading, At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks!

The Visitation (Book Review)

Frank Peretti, known for his chill giving, suspenseful creations did not disappoint with his 1999 Novel, The Visitation. Right away the book cover is stimulating and grabs your attention with it's scary image. The book centers around the small town of Antioch, Washington. The washed up ex-pastor Travis Jordan gets hit with a mysterious visitor who seems to know all about him. Travis, not concerned with the holy rollers of the town and all of their supposed 'sightings' pushes off from everyone and tries to keep to himself. Meanwhile Kyle Sherman, the new Pastor of Antioch Pentecostal Mission (Travis' old stomping grounds) full of Spirit and dedicated to bringing Travis back into his former life of pleasing God and saving the city. Together they discover that a man claiming to be Jesus could be the most amazing thing to happen to the town.. Or its worst nightmare. 

My Shelfari Bookshelf

Shelfari: Book reviews on your book blog